What Motivates Individuals – You & Those Close To You

The executive sits across from me, frustration evident in her tense shoulders. “I don’t understand,” she says. “I’ve created the exact environment that would motivate me—clear goals, autonomy, recognition, competitive compensation. Yet half my team seems disengaged.”

This scenario plays out in offices, homes, and relationships worldwide. We project our own motivational drivers onto others and then feel bewildered when they don’t respond as we would. This fundamental misunderstanding lies at the heart of countless leadership failures, relationship breakdowns, and personal disappointments.

What motivates individuals isn’t universal. The forces that drive you to climb mountains—literal or metaphorical—may leave another person cold or even anxious. Understanding this truth doesn’t just make you a better leader; it transforms how you relate to everyone in your life, including yourself.

The Philosophical Roots of Motivation

Throughout history, philosophers have grappled with the question of what drives human behaviour. Aristotle believed that all actions aim toward eudaemonia—a state of flourishing or well-being. Kant argued that duty and moral obligation should be our primary motivators. Nietzsche spoke of the “will to power” as our fundamental drive.

These contrasting viewpoints illuminate an essential truth: human motivation is complex, multifaceted, and deeply personal. It emerges from the intersection of our innate nature, lived experiences, cultural context, and conscious choices.

Modern psychology has identified numerous motivational frameworks. Maslow’s hierarchy suggests we move from basic survival needs toward self-actualisation. Self-determination theory emphasises autonomy, competence, and relatedness. The achievement goal theory distinguishes between mastery and performance orientations.

Yet none of these frameworks fully captures the unique constellation of drivers that motivate any single individual. The academic understands motivation broadly; the effective leader understands it specifically.

The Illusion of Universal Motivation

Perhaps the most damaging assumption in leadership is the belief that what motivates you will motivate others. This projection creates blind spots that no amount of technical skill can overcome.

Consider the leader motivated primarily by achievement and recognition. She creates systems that publicly celebrate accomplishments, believing this will inspire her team. For team members motivated by security or meaningful connection, these very systems may create anxiety or seem superficial.

Or consider the parent motivated by intellectual growth who fills his child’s schedule with enrichment activities, only to discover his child is motivated by creative expression and social connection.

These misalignments don’t reflect bad intentions but rather a fundamental misunderstanding of motivational diversity. What drives human behaviour isn’t universal; it’s uniquely individual.

The Three Pillars of Individual Motivation

What motivates individuals emerges from three interconnected dimensions: our core values and purpose, our formative experiences, and our vision for the future.

Core Values and Purpose

At the foundation of motivation lie our most deeply held values—the principles we consider fundamental to a well-lived life. For some, these centre around achievement and impact. For others, connection and harmony. Still others prioritise security, creativity, autonomy, or service.

These values aren’t randomly distributed. They emerge from a complex interplay between our innate temperament and our lived experience. The child born with high sensitivity may develop values around harmony and beauty. The naturally bold child may form values around adventure and achievement.

Our sense of purpose—the contribution we feel called to make—flows from these values and further shapes our motivational landscape.

Formative Experiences

Our personal history profoundly influences what motivates us, often in ways we don’t fully recognise. Early experiences of scarcity may create motivation around security and abundance. Recognition for specific talents can orient us toward domains where we received validation. Trauma can create powerful avoidance motivations.

These experiential influences aren’t deterministic, but they create patterns that persist until consciously examined and potentially reconfigured.

A leader who grew up in financial instability might be powerfully motivated by security in ways that team members from different backgrounds struggle to understand. The employee whose ideas were dismissed in previous roles may be motivated by validation and recognition in ways that surprise a leader who always received support.

Vision of the Future

Our imagined future—what we aspire to create or become—provides the third pillar of motivation. This future vision pulls us forward, creating a gap between current reality and desired state that motivates action.

For some, this vision centres around professional achievement. For others, meaningful relationships. Some are moved by creative expression, others by stability and comfort, still others by adventure or influence.

The power of this future vision depends on its clarity, its emotional resonance, and its alignment with our values and experiences. When properly aligned, it creates a motivational synergy that generates extraordinary energy and persistence.

Discovering Your Own Motivational Blueprint

Understanding what motivates you requires honest self-examination across all three motivational pillars. The following framework provides a starting point:

Step 1: Values Clarification

To identify your core values, reflect on the following questions:

• When have you felt most fulfilled and alive? What values were you expressing?
• What would you stand up for even if it cost you something important?
• What principles do you hope others would use to describe your life?
• When you feel angry or resentful, what value is likely being violated?

From your reflections, identify 3-5 core values that consistently emerge. These form the foundation of your motivational blueprint.

Step 2: Experience Mapping

Our formative experiences create motivational patterns that persist until recognised. Map these influences by considering:

• What early experiences of success shaped your definition of achievement?
• Where did you receive validation and recognition in your formative years?
• What forms of scarcity (emotional, financial, etc.) did you experience?
• What traumatic or difficult experiences might you be motivated to avoid repeating?
• Which formative relationships most shaped your sense of what matters?

Look for patterns in how these experiences created attraction or avoidance motivations that still influence you today.

Step 3: Future Visioning

Your vision of the future creates a motivational pull. Clarify this vision by exploring:

• What accomplishments would make you feel your life had meaning?
• What kind of relationships do you aspire to create?
• What environments or experiences do you want more of?
• What impact do you hope to have?
• What would need to be true for you to feel your life was well-lived?

The most motivating visions combine clarity, emotional resonance, and alignment with your values.

Step 4: Identifying Motivational Themes

With insights from all three areas, look for the motivational themes that emerge consistently. Common motivational patterns include:

• Achievement and Impact: Driven by tangible accomplishments and making a difference
• Connection and Belonging: Motivated by meaningful relationships and community
• Security and Stability: Energised by creating predictability and removing threats
• Autonomy and Freedom: Motivated by independence and self-determination
• Learning and Growth: Driven by mastery and personal development
• Recognition and Validation: Energised by acknowledgment from others
• Creative Expression: Motivated by bringing new things into existence
• Service and Contribution: Driven by helping others and giving back

Most individuals are motivated by multiple themes, with different emphasis in different contexts. The key is recognising your particular motivational fingerprint.

Understanding What Motivates Others

Once you’ve clarified your own motivational blueprint, you can more effectively discern what drives others. This understanding requires genuine curiosity and careful observation.

For Loved Ones

Understanding what motivates someone close to you begins with these approaches:

1. Observe with Fresh Eyes: Notice what energises them and what depletes them. When do they lose track of time? When do they seem most alive?
2. Ask Direct Questions: Create safe space for honest conversation about what matters to them.
   • “What part of your day typically gives you the most energy?”
   • “When do you feel most fulfilled or satisfied?”
   • “What kind of recognition means the most to you?”
   • “What would make this upcoming year feel meaningful to you?”
3. Listen for Values Language: Pay attention when they express strong opinions or emotions, as these often signal underlying values.
4. Offer Motivational Options: Rather than assuming what would motivate them, offer choices and observe their responses.
5. Consider Their History: Reflect on how their formative experiences might shape what drives them today.

The goal isn’t to use this information manipulatively but to create alignment between what matters to them and how you relate to them.

For Team Members

Understanding what motivates your employees requires a similar approach with professional boundaries:

1. Create Regular Reflection Opportunities: Use one-on-one meetings to explore motivational questions:
   • “What aspects of your work do you find most energising?”
   • “What kind of recognition means the most to you?”
   • “What would you like to be known for in your role?”
   • “What part of your work feels most meaningful?”
2. Use Assessments Thoughtfully: Motivational assessments can provide a starting point for conversation, though they should never replace genuine dialogue.
3. Experiment and Observe: Try different approaches to recognition, opportunity, and development, carefully noting which ones create the most positive response.
4. Create Alignment Opportunities: Help team members connect their personal motivations to organisational objectives. Where these align, extraordinary energy becomes possible.
5. Recognise Motivational Diversity: Build systems that honour multiple motivational patterns rather than assuming one approach will work for everyone.
6. Avoid Projection: Regularly check whether you’re assuming others are motivated by what would motivate you.

The most effective leaders create environments where multiple motivational patterns can thrive simultaneously.

The Ethical Dimension

Understanding what motivates individuals carries ethical responsibility. This knowledge can be used to manipulate or to empower, to control or to liberate.

The ethical use of motivational understanding involves:

1. Transparency: Being open about your observations and intentions
2. Consent: Allowing others to decide how much they want to share
3. Autonomy: Using motivation to expand choices rather than restrict them
4. Growth: Helping others develop greater motivational self-awareness
5. Reciprocity: Sharing your own motivational patterns while learning about others

When approached ethically, motivational understanding becomes a powerful force for creating alignment, resilience, and meaningful connection.

Beyond Understanding to Alignment

The ultimate goal isn’t just to understand what motivates individuals but to create environments where authentic motivation can flourish—including your own.

True motivational alignment creates a state of flow where effort feels energising rather than depleting. It transforms work from obligation to expression, relationships from transaction to connection, and challenges from burdens to opportunities.

This alignment begins with self-knowledge, extends through understanding others, and culminates in creating contexts where diverse motivational patterns are honoured and engaged.

The leader who masters this understanding doesn’t need to rely on external incentives or pressure. They create environments where people motivate themselves because the conditions align with their intrinsic drivers.

The parent who grasps these principles doesn’t need to cajole or bribe. They structure choices that connect with their child’s authentic motivations.

The individual who applies this framework to themselves doesn’t waste energy fighting their motivational nature. They create lives aligned with what truly drives them.

What motivates individuals isn’t universal, but the principles for discovering these motivations are. Begin with curiosity—about yourself, about those you lead, about those you love. The understanding you gain will transform how you influence, connect, and create in every domain of your life.